The Hairdryer Treatment: Clough’s view on the offside rule, Mudryk joins the club he’s supported for at least a week and Lloris has a proper Lloris…

A lot can happen in seven days of football right now – just ask Nathan Jones. 180 minutes ago he didn’t know what he was doing. Having beaten Pep (hard) and Lamps (easy) he’ll be walking round the training ground as if he owns the place now.

This time last week, Gareth Bale was still a professional footballer. Steven Gerrard was just a sacked Premier League gaffer and not the potential next boss of Poland – has Matty Cash put in a good word? Joao Felix was still warming the Atletico bench and not yet another player unavailable to Chelsea Football Club. He might be able to use the three-game ban to let the social media team know he is Portuguese, not Spanish. Arsenal thought they’d be signing the Ukrainian who had spent the last month unsubtly using Instagram to declare his love for the club.

The Premier League weekend started with the Manchester Derby and having lost 2-0 to Southampton in the Manchester City League Cup, Peppy G claimed he had some ridiculous plans in mind to face United.

If the crazy thinking was behind telling Kevin de Bruyne to spend 45 minutes hiding in Fred’s pocket, it worked. In fairness to Pep though, the only crazy thinking at Old Trafford seemed to be from the referee and VAR who between them couldn’t find enough reason to believe that Marcus Rashford was interfering with play despite not actually touching the ball in the seconds before Bruno Fernandes levelled for United.

What’s that? It wasn’t VAR that was wrong it’s the law? Then, and it’s not often I will quote Mr Bumble in this column I can assure you, the law is an ass. As the late, great Brian Clough would have no doubt commented – if Rashford, playing up front for United in a Manc Derby, isn’t interfering with play then he bloody well shouldn’t be on the pitch.

Actually, Rashford very nearly wasn’t on the pitch having seemingly pulled up lame just before half-time having been the one and only genuine threat to City – it must have been part of a cunning Ten Hag masterplan as, of course, it was Rashford who nabbed the winner. Three United points moves them to one behind City – but don’t start thinking they are in a title race.

They’re not, because it’s annoyingly hard to see where Arsenal might lose their now eight-point lead.

Hugo Lloris had an absolute Hugo Lloris of a North London Derby – the French keeper retired from international football during the week and many Spurs fans are possibly wishing he just called it a day full-stop. Mind you, being linked to Jordan Pickford won’t help them feel better this morning.

Lloris managed to tip Bukayo Saka’s slightly deflected cross into his own net and his goal was still shaking from Thomas Partey’s volley by the time Martin Odegaard beat him from too far out to be that easily beaten. It was a game that summed Spurs’ captain up perfectly – a great save, an absolute howler, terrible with his feet and a smaller presence in his box than the small Yorkshire Terrier voted most likely to knock Ibrahima Konate down last week.

When you saw the line-ups before kick-off, it looked like men against boys – it was, and the boys won. Spurs, predictably, turned up for the second half but couldn’t get past Aaron Ramsdale. Arsenal can’t screw it up from here, can they?

Actually, having looked at the fixtures to come, it’s quite easy to see where Arsenal might lose their lead – they’ve only played the “big teams” twice so far and lost both of them. Hope? We shouldn’t forget that City often have a blip like this before deciding it would be much easier if they just go and win the Premier League once again.

Liverpool were “really, really bad” according to Jurgen Klopp. The scoreboard pretty much agreed as Brighton made them look a bit rubbish in their 4-0 win. According to Kloppo, who loves an excuse, chasing the quadruple last season has made them very, very tired. Well, they won’t have to worry about that again for a while.

Credit to RDZ – if you are going to drop one of your best players for having a bad attitude you need to win the next game. He’ll be another manager on the South Coast strutting around like the big man this week.

The Poch might have to wait a little bit longer to become the next Chelsea manager. Despite losing to Fulham, the Boehly board still believe Graham Potter is the man for the job and just to make him feel special they went out and outbid Arsenal for Mikhailo Mudryk, he who we were led to believe was a boyhood Gooner. And Mudryk wasn’t the only new toy for Potter and his coaches to play with – Joao Felix flew in from Madrid, looked decent at Craven Cottage for 50-odd minutes before showing the kind of aggression that would have made Diego Simeone love him a little more.

Chelsea beat Palace 1-0 on Sunday – Kai Havertz scored the winner. Maybe he’ll now step up and be the striker the club needs. Yeah, right. More chance of Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang doing that. And to be clear, this is not Chelsea panic buying, alright? It’s all part of a very, very clear and thought-out transfer strategy.

Everton owner Moshiri has complete faith in Frank Lampard and the board, OK? That’s the board who had to stay away from Goodison Park at the weekend because of a credible threat to “safety and security” – and we’re not talking about Everton’s Premier League safety either. And that’s the Frank Lampard who led his team to Nathan Jones’ first-ever top-flight victory as a manager. Now really isn’t the time for votes of confidence.

David Moyes is also in trouble – Wolves beat West Ham 1-0 meaning the Hammers are in the relegation zone and the Moysiah thinks that clubs who stick by their managers will be rewarded. At a guess, he’s not talking about Chelsea.

Brendan Rodgers’ time at Leicester has to be numbered as well – they lost 2-0 to Nottingham Forest, a Forest team that has also progressed to the League Cup semis.

So with the three of them being under threat, it felt like there might be an easy fix. Moyes is still loved at Goodison Park, so he could swap with Frank? Ah, Lamps isn’t particularly loved at West Ham having left for Chelsea – so maybe he could go to Leicester where Kieran Dewsbury-Hall certainly gives off Mason Mount teacher’s pet vibes and that means Rodgers could go and turn Lucas Paqueta into James Maddison? Seems to work for me.

The only Premier League manager on the South Coast not able to walk with a bit of swag this week is Gary O’Neil. His side lost again, this time to Brentford who had Ivan Toney up front for them again and, naturally, scoring from the spot. Good forward play or scandalous? I’m with Thomas Frank on this one, to be honest.

Big Mitro will have spent all day dreaming of scoring at St James’ Park and then imagining sticking two fingers up to Rafa Benitez who bizarrely froze him out preferring Salomon Rondon. Unfortunately for Mitro, he literally fluffed his lines by double-kicking his penalty meaning it was disallowed. And then, as you’d expect, the other Alexander (Isak) scored an injury-time winner for Eddie Howe’s League Cup semi-finalists. Dan Burn is still dancing…

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